The Key
by Loisarah
Summary: What if the Key had come to Buffy as something other than Dawn? Season 5 rewrite, BG
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Key

Author: Loisarah

Rating: FRT to a light FRM, I suppose.

Distribution: If you want it, ask. I'd be thrilled.

Feedback: but please, constructive criticism and no flames.

Disclaimer: Characters property of Fox and Mutant Enemy. Some dialog may be taken directly from episodes, but I do not own anything. I am making no money off of this story.

Timeline: Season 5... all of it.

Summary: What if the key hadn't been sent to Buffy as Dawn? This picks up at the very end of Buffy Vs. Dracula and goes seriously AU from there. No Dawn.

Spoilers: Season 5

Author's Notes: This is based on an old thread on BGL and TogetherBG about season 5. So... according to the emails I printed out... Shelley, Daien, and Cindy B. get the credit for inspiring this. ;)

Pairings: B/R, B/G, W/T, X/A

BIG THANKS to Joan the English Chick, whoever you are, for your wonderful transcripts.

BIGGER THANKS to Dword, Cindy, and Shelley, and Luisa for the beta and advice.

Some... okay, lots of dialogue taken from the episodes: "The Real Me" by David Fury, "The Replacement" by Jane Espenson, "Out of My Mind" by Rebecca Kirshner, "No Place Like Home" by Doug Petrie, "Family" by Joss Whedon, "Shadow" by David Fury, "Into the Woods" by Marti Noxon, "Triangle" by Jane Espenson, "Checkpoint" by Jane Espenson and Doug Petrie, "Blood Ties" by Steven DeKnight, "Crush" by David Fury, "I Was Made to Love You" by Jane Espenson, "The Body" by Joss Whedon, "Intervention" by Jane Espenson, "Tough Love" by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, "Spiral" by Steven DeKnight, "The Weight of the World" by Doug Petrie, and "The Gift" by Joss Whedon.

-----

Chapter 1/23

Inside an abandoned warehouse five men in brown robes sat around a small glowing sphere, chanting, heads down, and eyes closed. Suddenly, one opened his eyes and his head snapped up.

"She's coming... I can feel her... the beast... she is near."

The monks began to panic... they weren't done with their spell... they began to argue amongst themselves.

"The beast must not find the key."

"Quickly... we must..."

"No! The Slayer... she would be defenseless... we can't... she has to be able to protect the key!"

"It's too late, we don't have time... the key must be transferred now... we can't wait..."

The five monks stopped and began a different chant, speaking quickly, giving the key form and sending it to the Slayer before they were found.

As they finished the spell, the door flew into the room. The five men looked towards the door at the figure standing there.

"I'm here. Now where's my key?"

-----

Buffy walked slowly up the stairs towards her bedroom. She paused as a slight dizzy spell caught her. Shaking her head, she continued walking upstairs, pausing in the doorway to her mother's bedroom. She leaned into the room to see her mother putting her earrings in, getting ready to go out.

"I'm outta here," Buffy said as she continued to walk down the hall toward her own bedroom. "Riley and I are going to the movies."

"Okay," Joyce responded. "Have a good time."

"I will," Buffy replied, before she got another dizzy spell and passed out.

Joyce, in her own room, heard a thud, and paused in front of her mirror. "Buffy?" No response. "Buffy, are you all right? Did you fall?" Still no response. Joyce dashed out of her room, towards Buffy's. She looked in and saw her daughter lying on the floor, unconscious. "Oh, my god... Buffy!" She knelt beside her daughter.

Buffy began to stir... "Mom?"

"Buffy, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm..." she began, trying to sit up, and failing. She laid back down on her floor.

"Buffy... what's wrong?"

"I dunno... I got dizzy... but I'm okay," she said, trying to sit up again.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, mom, I'm fine."

"Buffy... you should go to a doctor."

"No, mom, I'm okay. I just... I didn't eat much today, and that's probably what did it. I'm okay. Really."

"Are you sure, Buffy? This isn't like you."

"Yeah, mom. It's okay."

"Promise me that you'll at least tell Mr. Giles, if you won't go to the doctor."

"Yeah, okay... I see him tomorrow for a new improved training session, anyway." Buffy looked up at her mother's concerned face. "Really, I'm fine. I'm just gonna rest for a few minutes before I go meet Riley."

Joyce looked up at her daughter disapprovingly before standing up herself. "You are going to eat something before you go anywhere. Wait here, and I'll get you something... no buts."

Buffy laid down on her bed. "No complaints. Mom's room service totally appreciated."

Joyce smiled at Buffy before walking out of the room.

-----

"There is nothing but you."

Buffy closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on Giles' voice and the soft music.

"You are the center. And within you, there is the core of your being... of what you are," Giles continued, starting to walk in a circle around Buffy. "Find it... breathe into it."

Buffy continued to lean over the pedestal, both hands on it in preparation for her handstand. She could do this.

Giles continued walking around her and talking, trying to get her to focus. "Focus inward. Let the world fall away... fall away... fall away..."

Buffy opened her eyes, ready. She leaned forward and up into her handstand.

He continued walking in circles around her, watching her, and she concentrated, closing her eyes again, and slowly bringing one arm out, balancing on the other. She remained upright for a few seconds before falling onto the mats underneath the pedestal.

"Buffy!" Giles quickly moved to Buffy's side.

"Ow."

"Are you all right, Buffy?"

"Yeah... nothing hurt but my pride... I think."

Giles kneeled beside her as she sat up, flexing arms and legs. "I'm just... I can't do this today, Giles."

"I thought you wanted to train, Buffy."

"No, Giles, I do... really... but I don't... I don't feel okay. I... I actually passed out yesterday. Mom... Mom actually made me promise to tell you if I wouldn't go to the doctor. I told her it was probably..."

Giles cut her off. "Buffy... you passed out? Are you all right? You should go to a doctor. Joyce is right."

"No, Giles... it was just... something stupid like blood sugar or something... I'm fine. I'm just... not feeling the meditations and exercises that require actual balance today."

Giles pulled off his glasses and sighed. "Buffy... go to the doctor. Promise me."

"Okay, okay... I'll make an appointment. But I feel fine. Honestly." She looked at Giles and grinned. "You're not going to believe I'm saying this, but how about we do some of that book learnin' today?"

-----

"So Buffy, what are your plans today?"

Buffy looked up from her cereal and smiled at her mother. "Oh, actually, Giles and I are gonna go to the magic shop for supplies for my new and improved training sessions."

Joyce looked at her daughter, noting the smile on her face... the one that usually wasn't there when she talked about her plans with Riley. Joyce wasn't sure how she felt about that. "Oh, that's great," she replied.

"What about you, mom? What exciting plans have you got going on for today?"

Joyce sighed. "My exciting plans for the day are going through another shipment and getting ready for a show. I hate opening all the crates. I don't suppose..."

"Sorry, mom... Slayer training. I don't think Giles would like me to spend the day being crate-girl."

Joyce sighed. She was really hoping Buffy would help. It went so much faster that way. "Okay, but if you change your mind..."

"If I have time, I'll show up for gallery duty."

Mother and daughter smiled at each other, until they heard a knock at the door. "Oh, I'm not expecting anyone, are you Buffy?"

"Nope. Too early for it to be Giles."

"Let me go get it."

Joyce opened the door to find Riley standing on the doorstep. "Morning, Mrs. Summers. You look great."

Joyce smiled back at Riley, flattered by the compliment, but still feeling like it was a little too slick. "Oh, thank you, Riley. Buffy's in the kitchen." She stepped aside to let the boy into the house.

Buffy came out of the kitchen and walked to Riley. As soon as she was close, and Joyce was out of earshot, she said, "Suck up."

"What? It's a nice outfit."

"Mm-hmmm."

"Besides," he continued, "I'm here to violate your firstborn never goes over with parents. Not sure why."

Buffy smiled and tilted her head up, stepping into his embrace to kiss him, only to have a sudden wave of nausea overtake her. She pushed him away and ran up the stairs towards the bathroom.

Riley overheard an "oh, god," as she ran and followed her.

"Buffy!" he yelled after her as she ran towards the bathroom. She reached the door and flung it open, running in and slamming the door behind her. From the other side of the door Riley could hear the sound of her retching.

"Is she all right?" Joyce asked from behind him, having followed him up the stairs after Buffy.

"I don't know."

Joyce nudged Riley out of her way and opened the door to help her daughter.

Riley continued standing outside the door after Joyce shut it. After a few more minutes he knocked on the door and said, "I'll come back later to check on you, Buffy," before leaving.

-----

Buffy sat beside Giles in his new car, leaning her head against the passenger side window.

"You feeling all right?"

"Sort of."

"Buffy... you really should go to the doctor."

"I will. I made an appointment. But let's just concentrate on Slayer Shopping today, okay, Giles?"

"All right."

They sat beside each other in companionable silence for a while, before Buffy began talking again. "I can't believe he just ditched me like that."

"Excuse me?"

"Riley. I got sick and he just yelled through the door that he'd be back later to check on me. God... I'm his girlfriend... he couldn't stick around to make sure I was okay? Men... God... maybe Will has it right."

Giles looked towards the passenger seat in alarm. "Buffy..."

"I mean, really... he can fight evil beside me, but god forbid Buffy gets the flu, then he just bolts. I sat up with him that one night when he got drunk at a party and threw up all night, I throw up once and he does his disappearing act like..."

"Buffy! Please... I'm sure Riley just didn't want to be... in the way. Did he call you?"

"No. Not yet, anyway. You showed up and I left."

"Oh. Well, I'm sure there'll be a message when you get home," Giles said, trying to reassure Buffy but feeling somewhat smug about the fact that Riley had yet to call.

"Yeah."

They drove in silence again until they reached a parking spot near the magic shop, just in time to meet Willow and Tara.

"Hey, Giles, sharp wheels!" Willow exclaimed.

"The rest of the car's nice too," Tara chimed in, smiling one of her shy smiles.

"Where are you guys headed?"

Willow walked beside Buffy, while Tara and Giles followed behind them. "Magic shop. I have some charms on back order."

"Oh. Well... Giles and I are on our way there to do some important shopping for training. It's very cool... we worked out a whole schedule around school. A block of time every day just to focus on my new slayer training."

Willow put an arm around her friend, overly giddy. "That's a work ethic! Buffy, you're developing a work ethic."

"Oh, no. Do they make an ointment for that?"

Behind Buffy, Tara giggled and Giles rolled his eyes.

Willow continued, "People gotta respect a solid work ethic. Look at you, motivated Buffy. Eager to soak up learning. Oh, you and I are gonna have so much fun this semester."

Buffy sighed. "Oh, yeah, that reminds me. With the whole new training schedule, I kinda had to drop a class."

Willow nodded in sympathy. "That's understandable. Your slayer studies are way more important."

Buffy took a deep breath and continued, "So I won't be taking drama with you."

Willow stopped walking and dropped her arm from around Buffy's shoulders. "What? You have to! You promised!"

"Well, I know, but Giles said that it just was..."

"The hell with Giles!"

"I can hear you, Willow!"

Willow ignored Giles. "Drama is just Tuesdays and Thursdays. You can blow off training, can't you?"

Buffy grinned at her friend. "What happened to people gotta respect a work ethic?"

"Other people! Not me! There's a whole best friend loophole."

Tara walked past Buffy and Willow to the shop. "Shop's kinda dark. Maybe it's closed."

Giles walked up to stand beside Tara at one of the windows. "That's odd." He tried the door and it opened. Giles walked in, followed by Tara, Buffy, and Willow. The shop was a disaster... displays broken, glass shattered.

Buffy sighed. Why did this always happen to her? What was she, a trouble magnet? All she wanted to do today was shop. "I think odd just got upped to bad."

Giles scanned the room for any sign of the shop's owner. "Hello? Anyone here?"

Tara joined him. "Mr. Bogarty?"

Everyone looked at Tara, who just shrugged. "The owner. I-I come in here a lot."

Willow walked further into the store, trying to reassure Tara. "Well, maybe this happened... really late at night when nobody was..." she began before she tripped and fell.

"Will?" asked Buffy, walking towards her.

"I'm fine, I-I just tripped over..." her eyes get wide as she sees the body on the floor with the bloody vampire bites on the neck. "Mr. Bogarty."

Buffy walked towards the body, took one look, and turned and fled the shop. Giles followed her out, while Tara rushed over to make sure Willow was okay and help her up.

"That's strange. I've never seen Buffy bolt like that before."

"I think something's wrong, like she's n-not feeling well, or something," Tara said. "We should go check on her."

Willow and Tara walked outside in time to hear Buffy getting sick and see Giles holding her hair back, helping her.

"I think we should go back in th-the shop and let Mr. Giles take care of her," Tara said.

"Agreed."

-----

The Scooby gang sat around the living room of Buffy's house, with Buffy on the couch between Riley and Giles. Her legs were pulled up onto the couch and her arms were wrapped around her stomach. She leaned against Giles and her feet rested on Riley's leg. She missed the evil glances Riley was sending Giles' way... and if Giles noticed, he didn't give any indication.

"So, what do we know? Someone broke into the magic shop and stole books about the Slayer and some cheap tacky unicorns?" Buffy asked.

Willow looked at her friend, who still wasn't looking as if she felt very well. "'bout sums it up," she replied. "But it doesn't make sense... I mean... who would steal that combination?" Buffy asked again.

-----

Harmony stood in front of four other vampires, in her version of 'motivational speaker' mode. She clapped her hands to get their attention before speaking. "Okay, hi. First of all, I wanna thank everybody for a really successful raid on the magic shop last night." Harmony got giddy and clapped her hands. "Good job, minions!"

Her four minions stood in front of her and clapped half-heartedly, looking bored.

Harmony continued, oblivious to the attitudes of her minions. "Yes, you deserve it. Secondly..." she reached behind her to pick up the ceramic unicorn, "somebody remembered to pick me up the sweetest little unicorn!" She smiled at Brad.

"Anyway," continued Harmony, "the books you guys brought me to help with the plan? Well, I've been skimming through the book jackets all morning, and let me tell you, there's some pretty useful stuff in there, so..."

Cyrus raised his hand, interrupting Harmony.

"Yes, uh... sorry, forgot your name."

"Cyrus."

"Cyrus, huh, right. What's your question?"

"When are we gonna do it?"

Harmony wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Eww! That's rude! I barely know you!"

Mort, the biggest of the minions, rolled his eyes. "He means the plan! When are we gonna do the plan?"

Harmony looked relieved. "Oh, the plan! Ah, well, first, lemme tell you..."

Mort cut her off. "When!"

Harmony responded defensively, "Tonight! We kill the slayer... tonight."

-----

Joyce was dressing in front of her mirror, frowning at the reflection of Buffy standing behind her. "I don't like it. I don't want you patrolling, you're not okay!"

"Mom! I have to do this. Riley's going with me. We're just going to do a quick sweep..."

"I don't care how quick it is. You're sick. You get dizzy and you've been nauseous. You can't patrol!"

Buffy stood with her hands on her hips, and rolled her eyes. "God, you sound like Giles. Riley thinks I'm okay enough to patrol."

"Well, you should listen to Mr. Giles. He's right."

Buffy relaxed her stance and stepped back to Joyce's bed, sitting down. "I feel much better now. No dizzies, and I've kept my food down like a good girl... I can do this tonight, Mom."

Joyce sighed. She knew Buffy wasn't okay, but didn't think there was anything she could do to stop her. "All right, go. But if you start to feeling sick again I want you to head straight home."

"Yes, mother."

"Don't you joke about this, young lady! I'm worried about you. This isn't like you." Joyce sighed. That doctor's appointment couldn't come fast enough. She just hoped the doctor didn't tell Buffy what Joyce thought he would.

-----

Willow and Tara unpacked boxes for the dorm they were sharing this year.

"Do you think Buffy's okay?" Tara asked Willow. "I'm worried about her. Something... something feels... weird."

Willow placed a picture on top of a bookcase and turned to Tara. "You think? Buffy's been sick before. She'll be all right."

Tara sighed. "I don't think so... didn't... didn't you feel... I dunno... magic when you were around her today?"

"Magic?" Willow asked, walking towards Tara.

"Yeah... l-like... like something had been cast on her."

"Nope. Stood with my arm around her and didn't feel anything but Buffy."

Tara grinned at her girlfriend.

Willow grinned back. "I didn't mean for that to come out like it did."

"Really?"

"Really," Willow assured her. "The only girl I want to feel right now is you."

Tara smiled her crooked smile as she stepped towards Willow and the girls embraced.

-----

"You... um... feeling okay?" Riley asked as he walked beside Buffy in the graveyard.

"Yeah. Just... so sick of that question. And my Mom, she's being so... overprotective. And it's driving me nuts. I'm surprised she didn't lecture you before letting you go with me to patrol tonight."

"Actually, she did, when you went to get your jacket."

"Oh." Buffy and Riley continued to walk beside each other, watching for action in the quiet cemetery.

"Really, I'm feeling much better."

"I know."

Buffy looked at Riley... his jaw was tense, and his posture just screamed... problem.

"Are you all right? Riley..."

"You were leaning on Mr. Giles."

"What?"

"During the meeting... you were leaning against him, not me."

Buffy rolled her eyes. She was feeling better, but she still wasn't up to the ego-stroking Riley seemed to need. "It must have just been more comfy for me to lean his direction than yours."

"I bet."

"Whatever."

-----

Harmony walked up to the Summer's residence, minions in tow. The house looked dark.

"I don't think she's there," Mort said, sounding bored.

"She's got to be... this is how I planned it."

Peaches picked up a stone and threw it at a window, smiling in satisfaction at the loud smash. "No one's home."

Harmony threw the rock she was holding, with the note strapped around it, at a different window. No sound came from the house after the smash.

"This is just like her... ruining my plans."

Xander and Anya walked out of the Bronze, laughing, his arm slung possessively around her shoulders. It had been a good night, and Anya was going back to Xander's place with him.

"Oh, no."

Anya looked up at her boyfriend. "Oh, no, what?"

Xander pointed. "Look." Anya looked in the direction he pointed. "Harmony's back." His arm dropped from around Anya's shoulders.

"Hey, Harmony... why don't you go back to wherever you were."

"Xander Harris... why don't you crawl back under the rock you came from?"

Xander huffed. "You shut up, Harmony."

"Yeah." Anya said, pulling her cross out of her purse while standing slightly behind Xander.

"I've been honing my instincts since last time, Harris... I can take you," Harmony said, striking her hands on hips pose.

Xander laughed. "You and what army?"

"Me and... me and... my minions."

Xander started laughing. Once he'd sobered a bit, he repeated, "minions?" before collapsing into a fit of hysterics again.

"Yeah."

Xander slowly regained his composure. "These minions... are they... invisible? Because I don't see anyone with you," Xander said.

"They're... they're... not with me right now," Harmony huffed.

Xander and Anya started walking away, and he said, "Sorry, Harmony, but I don't feel like getting into another hair pulling contest tonight."

"Me either." Harmony vamped out and ran towards Xander, pushing him to the ground.

"No! Get off my Xander!" Anya screamed, pulling the cross from behind her back and thrusting it into her face.

"Ahh! Get that away from me!" Harmony wailed.

"Get away from Xander!"

Xander pushed Harmony off him and stood up, watching Harmony scramble up onto her feet and down the alley. "This isn't over, Harris!" Harmony yelled as she ran away.

-----

Buffy stood in her living room among the shards of glass from the broken windows. "What the hell happened here?"

"Someone must have tried to break in," Riley replied.

"But nothing's missing...oh, look. There's a rock... with a note." Confused, Buffy reached down and picked up the rock with the note still tied neatly around it. She pulled the string off and pulled the note off.

"That's strange."

"What?" asked Riley, moving to stand beside her, to read the note. It read 'Slayer, come out and die' with the i in die dotted with a smiley face.

"Not your usual doom and gloom note."

"Who would leave this for me?"

"Harmony."

Buffy and Riley turned at the sound of Xander's voice.

"We saw her outside the Bronze."

"Harmony?" Buffy tried to not laugh, but she couldn't help it. She started laughing hysterically, much like Xander outside the Bronze.

"Buffy... this is serious. She attacked Anya and I outside the Bronze. She said... she said she had... minions."

"Minions?" asked Buffy, trying desperately to keep a straight face. She couldn't help it. Riley, Xander, and Anya all joined her in laughing.

Eventually, Buffy started to calm down and tried to get the rest of the story from Xander.

-----

Harmony stalked through the cemetery, muttering to herself, minions in tow.

"What a total disaster. My first plan! I so wanted it to go well. Plus, I didn't even get to kill stupid Xander Harris! God, that was so embarrassing. Saved by that weird Anya girl. And I was even nice to her in high school and she betrays me like that!"

Mort sighed. "We'll go back later."

"No!" Harmony stopped walking and turned to face her minions. "It's no good. Buffy's gonna expect us now. The whole surprise is blown."

"Let's go back to the lair. That census taker may not be empty yet."

"Not me," spoke Brad, who began to boast, "the night is young, and I want some action."

A hand tapped Brad on the shoulder. Brad turned, only to get punched in the face.

"Happy to oblige. Here I thought it was gonna be a slow night," Spike spoke as he stepped out of the shadows toward Harmony and the rest of her gang, puffing on his cigarette.

Harmony stepped out from behind Mort.

Spike, surprise on his face, looked Harmony up and down, a sneer on his face. "Well, hello Harm."

"Spikey ... Spike. How've you been?"

Spike shrugged, leaning against a crypt. "Not bad. Just got a brand-new telly in my crypt, so..."

Mort interrupted, stepping in front of Harmony. "Why are you talking to him? He kills our kind."

"Oh, yeah," Harmony replied, turning back to Spike, hands on hips again. "What's up with that?"

Spike shrugged again, still leaning against the crypt. "Bloke's gotta have a hobby, don't he? What's with all this?" Spike asked, gesturing towards the minions.

"They're my gang... my minions," Harmony replied.

"Gang?" Spike peered over Harmony's head at the group standing and watching. "Is that what those circus freaks are?"

"Uh-huh. I mean... shut up!" Harmony again put her hands on her hips and assumed her defensive pose as Spike sneered at her again. "We're gonna kill the slayer."

"Singing my song now, are you? You should pay me royalties for that one."

"I'm not gonna make the same mistakes you did. I've been doing my homework... reading books and stuff," Harmony huffed.

"What, Evil for Dummies?"

Harmony sighed. "You'll see. Buffy'll be dead by sunrise. I've got a plan." At Spike's skeptical look, she continued, "I'm not telling you!"

"Thought as much. Best of luck. Let me know if this arch-villain thing works out for you," he said as he backed away and walked off into the night.

-----

Anya and Xander stepped off the stairs of Buffy's porch and onto the sidewalk, prepared to walk back to Xander's basement. He smiled down at his girlfriend. "What would I have done without you tonight?" he asked, smiling at her as she smiled back up at him. Neither of them noticed the four vampires that closed in on them at the end of Buffy's front yard.

"So, we meet again, Xander Harris."

Xander looked up at the sound of Harmony's voice, and stopped, pulling Anya to him at the sight of the four minions and Harmony behind them.

"Harmony, don't..."

"Don't what?" she asked sweetly. "Take him. Do something with her."

At Harmony's words, Mort grabbed Anya and pulled her from Xander, throwing her against a tree. She slid down into a heap at the bottom, unconscious.

"Anya! NO!" Xander cried, only to be grabbed by Brad and Cyrus. "Let me go!" He struggled, but couldn't get out of their grasp.

"Bring him with us," Harmony instructed, turning and strutting towards their lair.

"Did you hear something?" Buffy asked Riley, pulling from his arms where they sat in the couch.

"No, hear what?"

"I thought I heard yelling," Buffy said as she got up and walked towards the front door.

"Probably just your imagination," Riley said, following her to the door reluctantly.

"Buffy scanned the front yard, seeing Anya's arm from around the trunk of a tree. "Oh, god... Anya!" She ran out the door, Riley following.

Anya was lying on the lawn, sprawled around a tree trunk, bleeding from a gash on her head.

"This looks bad... we'd better call for an ambulance," Riley said, tending to Anya.

"Right... but where's Xander?" asked Buffy.

"Xander..." mumbled Anya, trying to talk, "Xander... Harmony... took... my Xander..."

"It's okay, Anya, I'll find him," Buffy reassured her as Riley pulled out his cell phone, dialing for assistance.

-----

Harmony was again parading around the lair in front of her minions. "All right, once again, nice work, minionators. I'm really, really proud of you guys."

Cyrus sighed. "When do we eat him?"

"We don't, not yet."

"Why not?"

"Because! That's not the plan," Harmony responded with another big sigh. "We use Xander as bait. We send Buffy a note..."

"More notes?"

Minions were really annoying. "We send Buffy a note," she continued as if talking to a child, "telling her that if she wants to see her friend again, she has to come alone to a place we choose. She comes, we jump her, we kill her."

The minions nodded, and Mort asked, "So it doesn't really matter if we're actually holding the slayer's friend, just as long as she thinks we are."

"I guess..." Harmony responded, unsure.

Cyrus continued Mort's train of thought. "So it won't make any difference if we eat the boy now."

Exasperated, Harmony replied, "We're not eating Xander Harris."

"Why not?" asked Peaches.

"Do I have to say it again? That's not the plan! Besides... it's... Xander Harris. Yuck."

-----

"Bollocks!" Spike banged his fist on the television again in vain, switching to readjusting the knobs and antenna. "Gonna have to pinch me one of those satellite dishes.

The door swung open and Buffy strode in, walking purposefully.

"Well, speaking of dishes, to what do I owe this unpleasant..."

He was cut off by a punch to the face, causing him to reach up and wipe the blood coming from his nose. "Ow! Bloody hell!"

"I don't have time for banter, Spike. Where's Harmony's lair?"

"Haven't seen her in months. How should I know..."

Buffy grabbed his shirt and punched him in the nose again.

"Ow!"

"Where is she?"

"At least lay off the nose."

Buffy pulled back her fist again, ready to strike.

"Okay! Okay! Used to have a cave in the north woods. About forty meters past the overpass construction site."

Buffy punched him in the nose again before releasing his shirt and turning to leave.

"Ow! I was telling you the truth!"

She didn't even turn around as she replied, "I know."

-----

"We've been talking it over, and we decided we don't like this plan," Mort began, as the other minions moved to stand around Harmony.

Mort smiled. "We're gonna feed on the boy and kill you. Maybe not in that order."

"I don't think I like your attitude, Mort." Harmony turned towards the other minions to give her order. "Kill him for me."

Peaches, Cyrus, and Brad didn't move. Harmony looked at Mort in time to see him smirk.

Harmony started to get scared, but was still defiant. "All right. You're all on my list. Th-this isn't fair. Okay, so things haven't been perfect. I just need a little more time to grow into my leadership role."

Mort stepped menacingly towards her. "Time's up." He grabbed her by the throat.

Xander watched the display fearfully, and cringed when he saw Cyrus starting to walk towards him. This wasn't good.

"Harmony being attacked by her own gang... why am I not surprised?" All the minions turned towards the door in time to see Buffy, crossbow in her arms.

"So, Slayer, at last we meet," Harmony said, like a bad B-movie villain.

Buffy paused before responding, "we've met, Harmony, you halfwit."

"Um, excuse me, but look who's fallen into my..."

Buffy let a bolt from her crossbow fly and hit Peaches in the heart. She took aim at another minion as he turned to dust.

"...trap..." Harmony finished as she watched Brad also turn to dust.

Cyrus advanced on Buffy and pulled the crossbow from her grasp. Buffy began hand to hand as she talked to Harmony. "Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad... you SUCK."

Mort moved behind Buffy with an ax, but as he swung it Xander yelled, "look out, Buffy."

Buffy ducked in time for Mort's ax to take off Cyrus' head. Buffy took the opportunity to pull the ax out of his hand, but he pushed her down.

Harmony looked around her lair and what was left of her brilliant plan, and decided to run away while she still could.

Buffy got up and started circling Mort, holding the ax. Mort charged on her, and she pushed him away, circling, looking for her shot. Mort lunged forward, and grabbed the ax from Buffy's hands. Buffy glanced behind Mort and saw the wooden unicorn. Grabbing it, she lunged forward, and staked Mort on the horn.

Buffy shrugged, dusted herself off, and strode towards Xander.

"Saved once again, by a girl."

"Yeah, well... at least Brad isn't still alive... or... undead, to see it."

"You got that right."

Buffy picked up another ax and began hacking away at Xander's chains.

"We've got to get you to the hospital... Riley called for an ambulance for Anya."

-----

"So Anya is going to be all right?"

"Yes... the doctor said she'd be fine in a few days... and Xander is playing... nurse for her," Buffy smiled.

Giles stopped writing in his notebook and looked at Buffy, smiling too. "I'm sure they'll be miserable."

Buffy grinned. "Completely." She looked around the shop, and back at Giles. "You sure about this?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Giles got up and walked behind the shop counter, sorting papers and jotting down notes.

"Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap Drummer... have you ever run a store before?"

"I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they don't return. It'll give me focus. And it'll prevent you lot from trampling all over my flat at all hours. Besides... do you have any idea how profitable a shop like this is? Especially in Sunnydale?" He began to walk towards the back of the shop, and motioned for Buffy to follow him. "There may even be some space for you to train in the back."

Buffy smiled as she followed him. It'd been a while since she'd seen Giles this excited about anything. "Boy, you've really thought this through. How bored were you last year?"

Giles paused and sighed. Might as well tell her before Spike did. "I watched Passions with Spike. Let us never speak of it," he replied before walking through the doorway.

Buffy laughed as she followed him, trying to imagine Giles... her Giles... watching a soap opera.

Both missed Riley standing in the doorway, watching them as they walked, talking and laughing, into the back of the store.

End Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Xander, Anya, Riley, and Buffy were enjoying a couple's night in Xander's basement. The guys sat on the old couch and their girlfriends were on the floor in front of them. Anya, Xander, and Riley were watching a movie, while Buffy sat with a textbook in her arms studying.

"Wish I had something food-like to offer you guys, but the hot plate's out of commission," Xander said.

"We think the cat peed on it," added Anya.

"I do have Spaghetti-O's. Set 'em on top of the dryer and you're a fluff cycle away from lukewarm goodness."

Riley shrugged. "Hmm... yeah. I had dryer food for lunch."

All four looked up at the ceiling as they heard a door slam.

Xander sighed as he said, "Ah, I guess the folks are back."

Angry voices could be heard through the ceiling, and Xander, Anya, and Riley looked at each other uncomfortably, while Buffy continued to study, oblivious.

The yelling continued upstairs, accompanied by a loud bang and plaster falling from the ceiling. Anya got the brunt of it and coughed as she brushed dust off herself with her good arm.

Trying to make things a little less uncomfortable, Xander again tried to make a joke. "Yeah, maybe it's definitely time to start looking for a new place. Something a little nicer. Buffy, you've been to Hell, they have one-bedrooms, right?"

Riley laughed at Xander's joke, and then noticed Buffy hadn't been paying attention at all. "Hey, Buffy, how's that book? Full of zippy dates and zesty names?"

Buffy barely registered Riley's question, and answered with her standard, "I'm fine."

Riley sighed and leaned forward, reaching over Buffy's shoulders and placing his hands over the pages of her book.

"Heeeey!" she protested, "I'm enjoying the studying."

"Who are you lately?" he asked her. "Give it up and watch the movie." He was chalking it up to Mr. Giles' influence. This new training thing was just not right, Riley thought.

"I guess it has been a long day with the crusades. I can take a little break from the violence for some," Buffy said as she finally looked up to see an old kung-fu movie. "Oh, fighting."

"Incompetently-dubbed kung fu. Our most valuable Chinese import," Xander added.

"Much more durable than their hot plates," Anya chirped in.

Riley, still thinking of Buffy and Mr. Giles, decided to be territorial and leaned forward to rub Buffy's shoulders. "Just relax."

"Mm... That feels good. Almost as good as Giles' backrubs ... he rubbed my shoulders when I fell training yesterday... ow, Riley, that hurt!"

Riley realized how hard he'd squeezed her at her mention of Giles and let go. "Sorry."

The group sat in an awkward silence for a few more moments, before Riley got up. "I've got to go. Sorry."

Buffy stood up as well. "What? Why? I thought this was a hang-out night?"

"I just... I have to go." Riley walked out the basement, leaving his friends confused.

"Sorry, guys, I'm gonna go find out what's wrong," Buffy apologized, following Riley out.

-----

Riley walked down the street quickly, his thoughts dark.

"Riley! Riley, wait up!" Buffy yelled, running to catch up with him. "What is wrong with you?" she asked when she finally did.

"What is wrong with me? Buffy... I just... never mind."

"No, don't never mind me, Riley. What's wrong?" Buffy stepped in front of Riley and stood with her hands on her hips, looking up at him expectantly.

"What's wrong? You're... you're spending way too much time with Mr. Giles, Buffy. I don't like it."

Buffy looked up at Riley in surprise. "What do you mean, 'too much time'? We're training... he's helping me."

"Training, right," Riley snorted, and stepped around Buffy, walking away again.

Buffy again sped up to step in front and stop him. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means it's not normal for a man that old to be spending so much time with a girl as young as you. You're my girlfriend."

Buffy's jaw dropped. This she wasn't expecting. "You think Giles and I... Riley! He's my watcher! And god, possessive much?"

"What exactly does Mr. Giles watch, Buffy?"

"Riley!"

"Oh, come on, Buffy... he's always around you, and you said he was massaging you... god..."

Buffy cut him off. "Do you think I would do that to you? You think I'm capable of cheating on you? Is that how little you trust me? And Giles... I couldn't do this without him. He's not up to anything, he's... my partner in all this, you know, watcher, slayer."

Riley snorted. "Shouldn't I be your partner?"

Buffy sighed. Why didn't he just get it? "Yes, you are... but in the slaying... this is different. I need Giles."

"You have me, Buffy," Riley protested.

"Yes, I do. But please, Riley... Giles has to fit in there too. I can't do this without him."

'Yeah, right,' he thought. "Okay, Buffy, I... I trust you."

"Thanks... I think."

The couple walked down the street together, slightly wary of each other.

-----

Smoke drifted around the dark cavern, dimly lit by a few candles and a fire under the large caldron. A murky yellow liquid bubbled and smoked ominously.

A demon in a large, billowy robe stood over the caldron and pulled the hood away from his face revealing a strange cracked brown skin with an eerie yellow luminescence. His eyes glowed with evil glee as he spoke.

"The last step in thy forging is my pain... the price with which I purchase... the death of the slayer."

He raised his hand and plunged it and the rod he held into the bubbling liquid, screaming in pain.

-----

"Hey, we're just looking. Rent's way high, so don't get your hopes all carbonated," Xander said, leading Anya to his prospective apartment.

"But you have references," Anya said hopefully.

"No, I have Albert, which is me doing an important voice," he responded.

Anya rolled her eyes as she opened the door and they walked into the apartment.

Xander looked around in awe, and disappointment. There was no way he could afford this.

"I want it. Pay anything." Anya demanded.

Before Xander could reply, the apartment manager entered. "Xander Harris?" She stopped at the sight of the young woman and the young man in a bright, garish Hawaiian shirt, looking more like a skateboarder than she would have liked.

"Hey. I brought a friend."

"Ah," she responded.

Anya walked to the center of the room, gesturing. "We can have the Scooby meetings in the living room, and... and Giles can explain the boring things over there."

"Phone and electricity are hooked up. There's a private balcony, ceiling fan, closet space..." the apartment manager began, reciting and pointing, "and that's the bedroom."

Anya walked up behind Xander. "I like it. Pay anything."

"Anya..."

"I brought an application for you to fill out," the apartment manager said, holding out a piece of paper for Xander. We run your credit check based on the application."

Xander's eyes widened. "Oh! Credit check. Little check on the credit. See how credible my checks are."

Anya spoke up for her boyfriend. "He'll take it. Xander, go get the furniture, I'll wait here." She walked towards the woman and leaned in, "He's been living in his drunken parents' basement where something urinated on the hot plate."

Xander plastered a huge, fake smile on his face, saying, "I guess I'll just start on that application. I think you'll like it. I've been told I have lovely penmanship."

-----

Giles sat on the floor of his newly acquired magic shop, sorting out boxes that had come with the shop. He pulled one in front of him, reading the label, "miscellaneous curses." He laughed, stood up, and picked the box up to rest it on the counter. "Brilliant. Be lucky if I don't curse my hands off at the wrist."

Hearing a noise, he turned, to be confronted by a large, glowy, brown demon. "Oh!"

The demon looked disdainfully at Giles before speaking. "The slayer is not here."

Giles panicked and reached into the curses box, picking up an item at random and holding it between him and the demon. "Rabbit's foot, no, wait..." he reached back into the box for something more menacing but the demon pushed the box off the counter and away from Giles. He looked around and grabbed the first item of substance he noticed, a large wooden figure. He held it up as if to strike the demon.

The demon didn't even blink. "That is a fertility god. Feeble man, you are not going to distract me..."

Giles brought the figure down onto the demon's head, and the demon stumbled backwards slightly. Giles kept swinging, trying to bring down the large demon.

Getting bored with the man's attempts to fight, the demon pushed Giles into the boxes scattered on the floor. "You are not the Slayer. You do not concern me," he said as he walked out, cape flowing behind him.

Giles watched him leave, and then let his head hit the floor with a groan. He couldn't help but think of Buffy's comment about the life expectancy of a Sunnydale magic shop owner. He'd never hear the end of this.

-----

"Like this... and this... and this..." Giles said, as he imitated his fight with the demon earlier, holding the carved figure.

Riley, Willow, Buffy, and Xander sat around him looking for information on the demon in the books.

"That thing's pretty heavy," Riley said, watching the older man.

"That's Oofdar," Willow added, "Goddess of childbirth. She's got some nice heft to her."

Giles smiled at Willow.

Buffy looked up at Giles, "How badly did you hurt him?"

Giles sort of winced before responding, "Well, hurt, uh... maybe not... hurt..."

Willow smiled at Giles, "Well, I'm sure he was startled."

Giles grinned. "Uh, yes, yes I'd imagine it gave him, uh, rather a turn."

Buffy grinned too. "He ran away, huh?"

"Um, sort of more..." Giles paused, then continued, "Uh... turned and swept out majestically, I suppose. He said I didn't concern him."

Buffy nodded. "So a mythic triumph over a completely indifferent foe?"

Giles snorted, "Well, I'm not dead or unconscious, so I say bravo for me."

Willow got excited, and held up her book. "Some good demons in this one. See if your guy's in here."

Giles walked over and took the book from her.

Xander looked up from his book to muse, "So you bought the magic shop and you were attacked before it opened. Who's up for a swingin' chorus of the 'we told you so' symphony?"

Riley stood holding the Oofdar statue, trying to look manly. "Owning this place does seem kind of dangerous," he said, not that he minded. He didn't like Mr. Giles anyway.

"Toth."

The group turned to look at Giles.

"Toth is the name of the demon." He looked up in time to see Xander playing with a crystal. "Be careful with that."

Xander put it down slowly, grinning sheepishly at the others.

"Ancient demon," Giles continued, once Xander had put down the crystal. "Very strong. Last survivor of the Tothric clan. It also says that for a demon he's unusually sophisticated."

Buffy moved to sit beside Giles, looking at the picture of the demon. "Sophisticated? So I should discuss men's fashions with him before I chop his head off?"

Giles glared at Buffy. "They're referring to the fact that he does not fight bare-handed." He looked down at the book and continued reading. "He uses tools, devices. Oh, he's also supposed to be very focused. And since he mentioned the Slayer, I think we know what the focus is."

Riley stopped swinging the statue. "He mentioned Buffy? Where do we find him, and how hard can I kill him?"

Buffy leaned closer to Giles and rolled her eyes, sick of Riley's possessiveness. She dropped her head into her hands. Without even thinking about it, or looking at Buffy, Giles put a hand on her shoulder and continued reading.

"Well, there's no mention of the types of places he might frequent, but..." he closed the book and stood up, "I have an idea." He started pacing, "He had a very specific olfactory presence."

Xander closed his book and stood up. "Well, I guess we're off to the old factory. I hate that place." He looked around at the eye rolls and groans his statement had garnered. "I'm joking. I know what it means. He smelled." He looked to Giles for confirmation, "right?"

Giles nodded at Xander.

"Some demon rituals involve anointing with oils. Was it sort of... sandalwoody?" Willow asked.

Giles made a face, before responding, "Um, not even remotely. But he was very, um... distinctive."

-----

"The city dump. Where smells go to relax and be themselves," Buffy said, walking around the huge mounds of trash, holding an ax. Giles, Riley, Xander, and Willow followed her.

Willow meekly stepped carefully behind the men. "I found a spell so you can't smell anything, but it does it by taking your nose off, so... no," she said, disappointed.

All five heads turned at the sound of someone rooting around, surprised to see Spike with a battered grocery cart, adding to his previous selections.

Riley raised his crossbow and pointed it at Spike. "What are you doing here?"

Spike stood up, holding a mannequin arm. "Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who set up a charming tea room over the next pile of crap. What do you think I'm doing? I'm scavenging, ain't I?" He emphasized his statement by holding up a small lamp in his other hand.

"Very pretty," Willow responded.

Giles decided to try to get information from him. "Spike, um... we're looking for a demon. Um... tall, robed, skin sort of...glowing. Deep voice?"

"You mean a great tall robe-y thing like that one?" he asked, pointing behind them.

All five Scoobies turned to see Toth standing behind them. Toth raised his arm, holding a rod with fire flashing out of it. All of them ducked.

"Big guy! Kick her ass!" Spike yelled.

Toth fired in Buffy and Xander's direction, and they dodged the bolt. Instead, it shattered Spike's lamp.

"Oh, very nice!" Spike yelled, angry. "I was on your side!"

Toth ignored Spike and fired again.

"Watch out!" Xander yelled. He pushed Buffy behind him, and the blast caught him in the chest. He flew backwards into the trash, and the others scrambled over to help him.

"Hey, you okay?" Riley asked, concerned.

"I'm okay," Xander replied, sitting up.

"Buffy... he's gone," Willow said, seeing no sign of the demon.

"I'm fine," Xander said, still dazed.

"Easy, easy," Riley told him, helping him out of the trash. Giles moved to Xander's other side and helped ease him up.

Riley scanned the perimeter. "He disappeared."

"Take it slowly," Giles warned Xander as they walked off, not noticing another Xander lying in the trash.

-----

The smells were terrible... the basement sucked, but it usually didn't smell this bad...even with the hot plate. And the flies... he screwed up his face and then yawned. "Anya, you trying to use the hot plate again?"

He opened his eyes, noting how bright it was... and open. He looked around, realizing that he was still at the dump. "Uh-oh."

-----

Xander reached his parent's basement and started to go around to what he considered his 'private entrance' to the hovel, and found it locked.

Blowing out a frustrated breath, he started knocking. "Anya? An?"

No answer. Getting frustrated that no one was answering his knocks, he kicked the door, only to wince in pain. He hobbled up the steps and kneeled next to the closest window, peering inside.

Instead of Anya, he saw a man, shirtless, in khaki's coming his hair in front of a mirror. "Oh, my god!" he exclaimed. He leaned in closer and realized when the man turned that he looked just like him... "What? No way! Who is... me?"

Xander got up and started for the sidewalk, muttering, "What am I doing in there? Buffy. Need Buffy."

Before he even reached the front yard he tripped over his own feet and landed on the pavement.

-----

Xander frantically fished in his pockets for a quarter, and finally found something. He pulled it out into view. "Oooh! I found a quarter! I found a quarter!" he cheered and put in his newly found quarter in the phone, dialing Buffy's number. As it started to ring he began to chant, "Come on, Buffy."

He started getting antsy and as he was turning and scanning the street he noticed his neatly dressed double walking in his direction. Xander ducked and leaned further into the pay phone.

"Hello?" Buffy finally answered. Xander debated answering Buffy or following his double, and opted to follow. He hung up the phone without responding.

-----

Buffy shrugged as she hung up the phone in her bedroom, and turned back to Riley. "They hung up." She picked up an ax and moved to where Riley sat on her bed. Beside him was an open bag of weapons.

"Well, if this guy wants to fight with weapons, I've got it covered from A to Z. From ax to... zee other ax." Buffy noted how tense Riley seemed. "Relax. Another day, another demon."

"Right, it'll be good," he tersely replied.

"Hey," Buffy said, moving the weapons out of the way and leaning over her boyfriend, going in for the kiss in an attempt to pacify her boyfriend.

Riley stopped her. "You didn't tell me how your doctor's appointment went."

Buffy got up from Riley's lap and sat on the bed beside him. "It didn't. But I'm feeling much better. Probably no reason to go."

"Probably not." He agreed. They sat in silence for a few minutes. "So..."

"So..." Buffy echoed.

"I should probably go... let you get ready to do..."

"Yeah," she agreed.

-----

Xander, still in his grimy, smelly clothes from the night before, had followed the double to his work site. He was spying on him the primo spot behind the Port-a-potty. He watched as the boss came and asked the double to meet with him in his trailer. "Welcome to payback, Mister Evil-plan-face-stealer. You take my life, you get my being fired absolutely free."

At that moment the door of the porta potty flew open and smacked Xander in the face.

Still rubbing his face, Xander made his way to the trailer. He tried to watch the meeting through a window, but it was too high. He kept jumping up and down, but couldn't get long enough glimpses inside to be able to tell what was going on. He looked around and decided to lay a board over some equipment so he could stand on something and look inside.

Once he was at window level, he saw and heard the boss asking Xander... the double, to stay on and head up a team at another job... and he saw the double flashing a silver... magic, do-hickey, obviously brainwashing the boss.

"Promotion? But I... I mean, he didn't... Doesn't he see the shiny thing?" He started gesturing a little too wildly and fell off his perch.

-----

Xander followed his evil double to the apartment building he'd looked at yesterday, and lurked a safe distance after him. After the door closed behind the double he leaned his ear against it, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation between the suave "demon" version of himself and the apartment manager.

"I was going to call you, Mr. Harris, let you know your credit checked out fine, but... I really didn't think you'd be back. I'm sure you'll like the building... I think someone said you're currently in your parents' basement?"

He cringed as he heard the double respond with, "Right. There comes a point where you either have to move on, or just buy yourself a Klingon costume and... go with it."

The apartment manager laughed at the joke and responded, "Well, I hope you'll be happy here, Mr. Harris. We're certainly happy to have you."

"Thank you."

"And if you... need anything... day, or night... please. Call me. I, um... I'm leaving my home number here..."

Back in the hallway, Xander couldn't believe his ears, "She's coming on to him... me! Please, lady, that is so not me. He's too clean for one thing. And his socks are all matchy."

As the door opened he leapt aside and out of the way, rushing to hide around the corner as the apartment manager walked out.

After she'd gone, Xander creeped back to the door and leaned against it again, just in time to hear evil Xander on the phone. "Anya, you there? Look, I know you're still mad, but... I figure you're probably sitting there pretending you're not home but listening anyway... Look, I have something to show you. Meet me at the apartment. You know the one. Nine o'clock"

Xander again scurried around the corner as he heard the other Xander walk towards the door.

As the double walked down the hallway, Xander tackled him, yelling, "I won't let you do this!" Both Xanders got up and the suave one punched the scruffier one, who dropped to the floor.

Xander got up, still yelling, "You can't do this to me!"

The suaver of the two ran away, leaving the other with his hands over his face and groaning.

"Oh, man, I need Buffy."

-----

The rain poured in Sunnydale that night and Xander, still in the dirty, smelly clothes he'd woken up in, trudged around in the rain, searching for Buffy. He ended up in front of Giles' apartment, and peeked through the small window by the door.

He could overhear the conversation inside, and was just in time to hear the suave, too good to be true version of himself describe their encounter earlier. "No, no. He looked exactly like me."

Buffy, Giles, and Riley stood around listening to him as he continued, "it stole my face. We have to find it, and we have to kill it."

Still getting rained on, he shielded his eyes and kept watching, chanting a new mantra of, "She sees it's not me, please, Buffy... resist his spell. Do this for me."

Instead of listening to him outside the window, he heard Buffy reassure the slick Xander. "Don't worry, Xander. Whatever stole your face, it has to deal with the slayer now."

-----

Xander quickly ran through the halls to Willow's dorm room, still soaking wet from the rain. As soon as he reached her door he flung it open and dashed in, surprising her.

"Don't be scared, Will. Just listen. It's me, Xander. And I can prove it," he continued.

"Um... okay," she responded, confused and deciding to just go with it. She sat down on the bed and looked at Xander expectantly.

"Let's see..." he began, and started pacing. "Stuff only you and me know. Okay! On my seventh birthday... I wanted a toy fire truck, and I didn't get it, and you were real nice about it, and then the house next door burnt down, and then real fire trucks came, and for years I thought you set the fire for me. And if you did, you can tell me," he grinned at her. Willow just stared at him, so he paced a bit more.

"Oh!" He pointed at Willow excitedly. "Every Christmas, we watch Charlie Brown together, and I do the Snoopy Dance."

Xander proceeded to do the 'Snoopy Dance' for Willow, complete with jumps and a silly smile. Willow watched for a moment before getting up and walking to him, smiling.

"Xander, stop dancing."

"Aha! You called me Xander!"

"Xander, shut up! Why wouldn't I think you were Xander?" she asked, confused.

"Oh, huh," he responded.

She looked at him, concerned. "What's going on?"

Xander sighed. "Okay. I woke up in the dump this morning."

"Xander, the basement isn't a dump. It... it's more like a really nice hovel," Willow reassured him.

"No. The dump. The city dump. I got hit last night, fall down boom, woke up this morning."

"Nuh uh! We walked you home last night, remember?" Willow said, sitting back down on the bed.

"You walked? Will, did I do anything weird? Did I wave any shiny things around?"

"Shiny things? What are you talking about?"

Xander was getting agitated. "Last night, that wasn't me. There's a double out there. Some... thing... has stolen my face, and it's going around pretending to be me, and it's hypnotizing people. It even got Buffy and Giles and Riley."

-----

Giles was walking around his living room, book in hand, talking to Xander, Riley, and Buffy. "What's intriguing me is that there are any number of demons with the ability to mimic a simple form, but, uh... this sounds like more than that."

"Hold up," said the slick Xander, clearly upset. "Do we really have to figure out what it is? Let's just go kill it."

"Yeah," agreed Riley. "When the imposter's killed, the body'll probably turn back into whatever it really is, and then we'll know."

"Toth!" Buffy blurted. Everyone turned to look at her. "The demon with the creepy stick thing."

Xander nodded. "Toth."

"It's gotta be," Buffy continued. "He hit Xander with that blast, and somehow it allowed him to take Xander's form. Couldn't that be what the creepy stick thing did?"

Giles nodded thoughtfully. "Yes... I suppose, yes, yes, it makes sense. A shape-shifting device," he said absentmindedly, moving towards his bookshelves.

Xander agreed again, "It does make sense. It must be Toth," he said forcefully.

-----

Scruffy Xander sat on the bed beside Willow, ringing out his wet socks while Willow made a scrunched up face beside him. He was still ranting angrily.

"It's a robot. It's an evil robot constructed from evil parts designed to do evil."

"Uh huh. Or it's Toth," Willow contributed.

Xander, still wringing out clothing, stopped to punctuate his statement with a pointed finger. "Or, it's Toth."

-----

Buffy stood up, ready for action. "I was gonna look for Toth anyway. Guess now I start... looking for you," she told Xander.

"Should I go with you?" he asked. "I... told Anya to meet me at my new place. I'd feel a whole lot better knowing she's safe from this creep."

Buffy nodded at him. "Go, be with her. I, I mean, if you were out there looking for the double too..." she looked at Riley, then back at Xander, "let's just say that I wouldn't wanna kill the wrong one."

"Good thinking," Xander agreed.

-----

"A demon has taken my life from me, and he's living it better than I do," Xander said, agitated, pacing Willow's dorm, his wrung out Hawaiian shirt in his hands.

Willow, sitting on the bed, winced as some water from Xander's shirt splashed into her face. Gingerly, she wiped the water off her face. "Why would a demon want to live your life?" Willow looked at Xander's face, defeat written all over it and decided to get back on track. "Well, we're working on it. There has to be a way to get to Buffy to... unhypnotize her. I'll find a spell to snap her out of it," she said as she stood up and walked over to her bookcase.

Bitterly, Xander responded, "Right, whatever."

Willow turned back to him, "Xander, you have to help me figure this out, you know."

"But I never help," he whined. "I get in trouble and Buffy saves me."

"That's not true! Sometimes we all help save you," Willow protested, and then realized how that sounded, and tried to make him feel better by adding, "and sometimes you're not in trouble."

Both looked at each other and sat on the bed again.

"This demon, he's taking my life, and everyone's treating him... everyone's treating him like a grown-up! Will, I'm starting to feel like...I don't know, maybe I should just let him have it. Take my life, please."

Willow stood up, and put her hands on Xander's shoulders. "Xander, no! You're just tired, and... and all soggy. That's why it seems so hard, but you can't let him just take your whole existence."

"Why not?" he asked. "It's not like I was doing anything so great with it. No, what have I got that's even worth..." Xander's eyes widened. "Anya!"

-----

Xander, still dripping and in the dirty Hawaiian shirt and red pants, burst into Anya's apartment, searching for his girlfriend. "Anya? An?" Looking around, he realized no one was there. He walked over to the answering machine and pushed the button, after noticing the blinking light indicating a message. He listened in horror to the message his other self left for his girlfriend. He searched the apartment, rummaging through drawers looking for something.

"It's gotta be here, where is it?"

-----

Inside Xander's new apartment, Anya stood on a blanket on the floor, a picnic basket open at her feet. Xander, still dressed uncharacteristically nice, was opening a bottle of wine in the kitchen.

"You're lying. It's a trick."

"No, trust me," he said, gathering the wine and two glasses, bringing them out to the blanket.

"You really got this apartment?" she asked.

"I really did. And do you know why?"

Anya looked around her at the various features of the apartment. "The ceiling fans? Very attractive."

"No," he responded, sitting down on the blanket. "It's because I knew you wanted it. It's all for you."

Anya smiled and sat down on the blanket beside him. They looked at each other for a moment before moving closer to kiss.

"Anya, you didn't see me today, did you? I mean, we didn't talk?" he asked her nervously.

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused. I just got your phone message, that's all."

"Good."

They smiled again, and leaned in to kiss some more, only to be interrupted when the door flew open and a very angry looking, very dirty, grimy looking Xander rushed in, screaming, "Get away from her!"

"Xander!" Anya yelled. She and the Xander she'd been kissing stood up.

Anya looked from the doorway to the man standing beside her. "Xander?"

The Xander beside her spoke. "Get out. You don't belong here."

"Anya, it's me," the dirty Xander responded.

Anya looked from one to the other, and started walking towards the other Xander, but the one next to her stopped her. "It's a demon. He stole my face, he's trying to trick you."

"Anya, you know I'm me, right?" the one in the blue shirt asked.

"No!" the other one responded.

Anya moved closer to blue shirted Xander, looking warily at the other one. "What is it? Make it go away," she demanded.

-----

Riley leaned over Giles' desk, looking at a map of Sunnydale. "So you're thinking we split up?"

"Yeah," Buffy responded. "You check out the places where he might try and go and blend in as Xander. I'll check the places where Toth might hang out."

The front door flew open and Willow entered.

Giles looked up from the books he was browsing, irritated. "I swear, this time I know I had that locked."

Willow ignored Giles and spoke to Buffy. "Buffy, Toth looks like Xander."

"We already know. We're on our way," Riley said.

"Wait a second," Buffy said, thinking. "How did you know about this?"

"He came to me. I-I mean, Xander did. And he's in terrible shape, we need to help him," Willow responded.

"He came to us, too," Riley said.

"No," Willow protested. "We each had a Xander. I mean... you didn't have a Xander, you had a, a demon in a Xander suit."

Buffy was confused. "What makes you so sure that yours is the right one?"

"He knew stuff!" Willow blurted. "He, he did the Snoopy Dance. Buffy, it was Xander, and he needs us."

"Oh, dear Lord," Giles muttered from his position by the bookcase. The others ignored him.

"Buffy," Riley asked, "Our Xander, did he seem a little..."

"He seemed kind of forceful and confident," Buffy replied thoughtfully.

"That's not Xander," Willow said.

Giles spoke louder. "I said, 'Oh, dear Lord'."

"You always say that," replied Buffy, with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Well, it's always important," he retorted, giving Buffy a glare as he walked towards the other three. "Neither Xander is a demon."

"Um... is one of them a robot?" asked Willow.

"What? No. Um, uh, the rod device, it's called a ferula-gemina. It splits one person in half, distilling personality traits into two separate bodies," Giles said, beginning his lecture. "As near as I can tell, Toth was attempting to split the slayer into two different entities," he continued, handing the book to Willow.

"Two Buffys?" Buffy asked.

"Yes. One with all the qualities inherent in Buffy Summers, and the other one with everything that belongs to the slayer alone... the, uh, the-the strength, the, uh, speed, the heritage. And when it hit Xander, I think it separated him into his strongest points and his weakest."

"But which one's the real one?" Riley asked.

"They're both real. They're both Xander. Neither one of them is evil. There's nothing in either of them that our Xander doesn't already possess," Giles said.

"I still don't get the original plan," Riley asked, confused. "I mean, why do it? The slayer half would be like slayer concentrate, pretty unkillable."

"But the two halves can't exist without each other. Kill the weaker Buffy half, and the slayer half dies," Giles clarified.

"So the same goes for the Xanders. We lose one, we lose them both," Buffy said.

-----

Meanwhile, back at the Xander-pad, the scruffier one was pointing fingers. "He's the demon! Or possibly a robot. Look at me. Can't you see it's me?" he asked Anya pathetically.

"I... I don't know!" she replied, thoroughly confused.

The scruffy Xander was getting desperate. "Please! Look at him! Listen to him! He's all smooth! You have to know it's me!"

"Don't worry, Anya," the 'clean' Xander replied. "I'll get rid of this thing. I'm thinkin' this is gonna last about fifteen seconds," he said, walking towards his double.

"I'm thinkin' less," he replied, pulling out Anya's gun.

"No!" Anya screamed, moving and placing herself between the two Xanders. "No! Don't shoot him!"

She ran toward the Xander pointing the gun and pushed his arm up toward the ceiling, and the second Xander came up behind her and grabbed his hands, all three fighting for the gun.

-----

Buffy and Riley were in Giles' new car, racing to Xander's apartment.

"Can't this thing go any faster?" Buffy asked impatiently.

"We're pushing 70," Riley responded, calm and in control behind the wheel.

Buffy looked forward, focusing on the road, thinking. Finally, she turned to Riley. "Riley, do you wish..."

"No," he quickly responded.

"No? You don't even know what I was gonna say."

"Yes, I do. You wanted to know if I wished you got hit by the ferula-gemina, got split in two," he responded.

"Well," Buffy began, "You have been kind of rankly about the whole slayer gig. Instead of having slayer Buffy, you could have Buffy Buffy."

Riley responded, "Hey, I have Buffy Buffy. Being the slayer's part of who you are. You keep thinking I don't get that, but..."

"Do you?" she asked.

"Yes, I do," he responded, crankily. "I gotta have that. I gotta have it all. I'm talkin' toes, elbows, the whole bad ice skating movie obsession, everything. There's no part of you I'm not in love with," he told her.

"But you don't trust me."

"I do, I told you that."

"But you still assumed Giles and I were having an affair... you said you trust me, but I'm not sure you really do... or know what it means for me to be the Slayer."

"I do."

"You don't."

"I do... look, can we not do this now, Buffy?"

Buffy turned and looked out the window, uneasy. "We'd better get there soon. If Xander kills himself, he's dead... you know what I mean."

Riley nodded.

-----

"Let go! I have to kill the demon-bot!" the scruffy Xander yelled, still struggling to get the gun.

With a loud thud, the gun fell to the floor, and the blue shirted Xander grabbed it first. "Anya, get out of the way."

Anya stood where she was in front of the other Xander, not willing to move.

Buffy and Riley rushed into the apartment, appalled at the scene in front of them.

"Xander!" Buffy said.

Riley closed the door behind him and stepped forward, ready to help diffuse the situation.

"All right, Buffy, I have him," suave Xander said.

"No!" the other Xander protested. "Buffy! I'm me! Help me!"

Anya pointed to the gun, yelling, "My gun! He's got my gun!"

"You own a gun?" Riley asked, incredulous.

"Xander," Buffy interrupted... then reconsidered. "Gun-holding Xander," she clarified. "Give me the gun."

Both Xanders just looked at Buffy, and finally Suave Xander caved and gave Buffy the gun.

"Which one's real?" Anya asked, hoping Buffy and Riley knew what was going on.

Buffy handed the gun to Riley.

"I am."

"No, I am."

Before the two Xanders could begin fighting again, Buffy stepped between them, and flinging them both across the room into the kitchen counter.

Anya, Riley, and Buffy walked up to the counter to examine the two men.

"Wild," Riley says.

"You've been split in two," Buffy said. "But you're both Xander. And you can't kill each other. Um, well, you could, but it would be really bad."

They looked at each other in disgust.

"NO way."

"He can't be me! He's all... fancy."

Riley interrupted the denials. "We can prove that you're both Xander."

"Yeah!" Buffy agreed, then paused. "How?"

"Um..." Riley responded. "Well, there has to be a way," Riley mused.

"Ooh! What number am I thinking of?" Buffy asked.

Both Xanders, in unison, replied, "Eleven and a half."

"Wrong," Buffy said, then, "Oh, but see?"

"No," scruffy Xander said, "We're not the same. We're all different."

Riley jumped in with an explanation. "Different properties went into each of you, but you're both Xander.

"Different properties?" Anya asked.

"What different properties?" scruffy Xander asked.

Buffy didn't want to hurt Xander's feelings, so she responded with, "Uh, you know, uh, sense of direction... good night vision, stuff like that."

A light bulb went on inside Scruffy Xander's head. "Oh, but he as a thingy! In his pocket! A shiny disk that stuns and disorients!"

The other Xander reached into his pocket, confused. "What disk? This?" the suave Xander asked, holding out the small silver disk.

"It'll melt your brain!" scruffy Xander yelled as he covered his eyes.

Buffy took the disk from suave Xander, and Anya and Riley leaned in to see what it was.

"Look," Buffy said, holding out the disk.

Suave Xander added, "It's a nickel someone flattened on the railroad track. I found it on the construction site and I thought it was cool. It's not magic."

Scruffy Xander uncovered his eyes and took the disk from Buffy. "No, I... huh. It is kinda cool."

"Okay, isn't anyone gonna tell me why there are two Xanders?" Anya asked.

"I will, on the way to Giles'" Buffy said. "Let's go."

As they moved to leave, the door crashed in and Toth flowed in majestically, billowy robes and all.

"Oh, great. Rod boy," Buffy said.

"I will not miss again, Slayer," the demon said as he took aim with the ferula-gemina.

Buffy and Riley dove away, and Toth missed Buffy, causing a hole in the carpet.

"Hey, I just made a small cleaning deposit!" suave Xander protested.

Riley doubled back behind Toth, and jumped on him, forcing him to drop the rod. Toth flung Riley off of him, and Riley got back up, throwing punches at the huge demon. Buffy kicked Toth a few times before he pushed her away. Buffy immediately went for Toth again, landing more kicks and a few punches, and bringing him down.

"Sword!" she commanded. Riley went for the bag of weapons and found the sword, throwing it to Buffy. She caught it and stabbed Toth without hesitation.

He screamed loudly, and then fell limply to the floor.

-----

Inside the new magic shop, both Xanders stood side by side, dressed in the same tacky outfit that Xander was wearing when he got hit by Toth's rod. The three girls, Willow, Anya, and Buffy stood in a line in front of them, studying the two men.

Giles worked on the floor, hunched over and making the required mystical markings in chalk on the floor for the reintegration spell.

"Look," pointed Buffy, looking closely at the two men. "There's a scar there," she pointed at Xander one's forehead, and then pointing to Xander two's forehead, said, "and there's the same one right there."

"It's all double," agreed Willow. "This zit, and this... kinda funny dippy thing. And this weird little hair that grows in the wrong way," she said, pointing at the offending features.

"Okay, back off ladies!" one of the Xander's said, getting uncomfortable.

Riley spoke up from his perch on the stairs. "Psychologically, this is fascinating. Doesn't it make everyone wanna lock them in separate rooms and do experiments on them?"

No one responded, but they all gave him a funny look.

Riley looked down, and rubbed his hands together awkwardly. "Just me, then."

Anya turned back to the Xanders, curious. "So... you Xanders really do have all the same memories, all the same," she looked down, and then back up for eye contact, "Physical attributes?" She giggled softly.

"We're completely identical."

"Yeah, we checked out some stuff in the car on the way over... fingerprints."

Anya turned to the others. This double Xander thing was intriguing to her. "Well, maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home, and... we can all have sex together, and... you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning."

Giles' eyes widened, and then he suppressed a shudder at the images Anya's words conjured.

"She's joking," one of the Xanders said.

"No, she's not," the other one disagreed. "She entirely wants to have sex with us together. Which is... wrong, and, and it would be very confusing."

Giles got up from his task on the floor, finished with the lines needed to perform the spell. "Uh, uh, we just need to light candles. Also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk."

"Check," Willow responded. "Candles and pretense."

"It's not like it'd be cheating," Anya protested. "They're both Xander." Behind her, Giles paused as if pondering that thought, and then tried to not shudder again.

"We're ready. We should do it now," Willow said, clapping her hands together.

"What'll we do if this doesn't work?" Anya asked.

In unison, the two Xanders replied, "Kill us both, Spock!" and then collapsed into a silly laugh.

"They're... kinda the same now," Buffy pointed out.

"Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself," Giles said, rolling his eyes.

The Xanders were getting impatient, one of them said, "Hey, summon the goddess. Chant the chant. Let's do it."

"Actually, it's not that hard," Willow replied. "Your natural state is to be together. Toth's spell is doing all the work of keeping you apart. I just have to break it. So you two... stand right here."

Both Xanders closed their eyes.

"Let the spell be ended," she simply said.

"You gotta be kidding. 'Let the spell be ended', that's not gonna work," Xander said, opening his eyes and realizing he was the only Xander present. "Oh!"

Willow smiled proudly.

"I like it the other way. Put him back," Anya said.

Buffy and Giles both raised their eyebrows and looked at each other, and couldn't help grinning.

-----

The next day, in Xander's basement, Xander and Riley were carrying boxes out, while Anya sat on a stool reading a magazine, ignoring the work going on around her.

Buffy walked in, and passed Anya. She picked up another box and stopped as she passed Anya again.

"Anya, I see you've joined the non-injured crowd," she said.

Anya smiled. "Yes, I'm feeling better. And I anticipate many years before my death. Excepting disease or airbag failure."

Buffy smiled tightly. "That sounds nice," she said, walking off with her box.

Xander walked up to Anya with a box, holding it out for her.

She tossed the magazine aside and got excited. "Ooh! Presents?"

"Not unless you want my collection of Babylon 5 commemorative plates. Which you cannot have. I just thought you could help carry a little." Xander responded.

Anya pouted at Xander. "Me? Buffy has super strength. Why don't we just load her up like one of those little horses?"

"Anya, please."

Anya slid of the stool, still pouting. "Fine. I'm just your slave," she muttered as she took the box and walked it out of the basement.

Xander watched her go, and then turned to Riley, who was watching too.

"How is it that she can always make me feel SuaveXander's left the building?" he asked Riley.

"You two have your friction, but... she digs the whole package. It's obvious," Riley responded, a bit sadly.

"Still, I do envy you sometimes," Xander said, and Riley looked up at him in surprise. Xander continued, "I mean for the sanity. Not that I'm still into Buffy," and he quickly amended that statement with, "not that I ever was."

Riley grinned at Xander's discomfort. "Hey, I'm well aware of how lucky I am. Like, lottery lucky. Buffy's like nobody else in the world. When I'm with her it's like... I... I don't even know how to describe it," he said, continuing packing. A rueful smile crossed his face, and he looked up at Xander, saying, "but she doesn't love me."

Xander stared in disbelief at his friend, not knowing what to say. Buffy reentered and walked up to Riley.

"Got something else for me to carry?"

"Uh, you can help me pack this," Riley responded.

"Sure," she replied, going over to kiss him. After the quick, sweet kiss, she says again, "Sure."

Xander watched the two, uneasy, and confused.

-----

"Buffy... are you sure you're up for this today? How did your doctor's appointment yesterday go?" asked Giles as Buffy began her warm up in the still unfinished training room in the back of the newly named "Magic Box."

"Um... it didn't."

Giles stopped pouring his and Buffy's waters and looked at her, a bit angry. "What? Buffy? Why didn't..."

She interrupted him. "I was gonna go, but then you called saying you had been attacked, and I..."

"Buffy... I was fine, you should have gone and caught up with us later."

"Giles... I'm okay. Really. I'm feeling much better."

"So the dizziness and nausea has stopped?"

"Yeah, it has. You're looking at a soon to be completely healthy Buffy," she replied, going back to her warm ups.

"No... Buffy. This makes me uneasy. We... we should go now."

"I'm fine. Riley agrees with me. I don't need to see the doctor."

"I don't agree with Riley... your mother doesn't agree with Riley," Giles protested.

"What do you want me to do, Giles? I tried to reschedule."

"How hard did you try?" he asked.

Buffy squirmed under his gaze. "Not very," she admitted.

"Call. Now." Giles said.

Buffy shrugged and moved to the phone.

-----

Buffy walked out of the doctor's office with Giles to his car.

"What did she tell you?" he asked.

"Healthy Buffy. Nothing wrong." She said, then sighed. "I can't believe they gave me a pregnancy test," she muttered.

Giles looked uncomfortable. "And... and it was negative?" he asked.

"Yeah... you didn't think..."

"Well... it seemed like a possibility..." he began, and noticed Buffy's black look. "A remote possibility."

Buffy leaned back in her seat and put on the seatbelt. "Let's go... can you drop me off at Riley's?" she asked Giles.

"Of course," Giles replied, and started the car. A part of him thinking that Riley should have been the one to accompany her to her doctor's appointment and been more worried, but he didn't express his opinion to Buffy.

Giles pulled to a stop in front of Riley's apartment, and Buffy got out.

"Thanks, Giles," she said, meaning the ride, and then paused before shutting the door, and looked at him. "For everything," she added, and smiled. When he nodded she shut the door and walked up to Riley's apartment as he drove off.

End of chapter 2


End file.
